


Out of the Sun

by Motion_of_the_ocean



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:37:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Motion_of_the_ocean/pseuds/Motion_of_the_ocean
Summary: Will is suffering from depression and stress when he travels to Germany.  His father's death, and the turmoil in his brain left him feeling empty. It is in this period of time that he meets a man he shares a rare connection with. More than he expected.





	Out of the Sun

There were no sad nights until he was walking in Germany at the latest hour. The rain came suddenly, and he moved down a quiet intersection. He wanted to cry, and pull back to his motel. But he walked for a few minutes longer. His nihilistic thoughts might leave and turn into something more comfortable. Things never felt easy anymore, but he tried so hard to relax. And then maybe he could sleep and feel peaceful for a while.

Since his father died a month ago, he realized he wasn't having full meals. Much of his appetite was gone with everything he did, and he felt like he had to force himself to do things. This trip was a way for him to be happier than he had been. Although his father triggered this, he knows the problem was fully planted in his mind when he was 25 and losing his ability to cope.   
When he had his father, there was someone who understood him. Will struggled to understand himself sometimes, and although he was rarely alone, he always felt lonely.   
He burst into tears when he knew it was silent and no one would look at him. It was pitch black down a street, and suddenly he gasped when he saw a figure walking past him.  
'Fuck'. He said, startled, and then laughed briefly in a slightly embarrassed way. 'Sorry'. He didn't know why he said sorry, it was a reflex from abruptly crying like a maniac.  
'Nothing to apologize for. Are you alright?'.  
He could see the man's face now and he was standing three feet away, Will felt nervous by how close he was in the dark.  
'Um, no, honestly'. He huffed in sad amusement. He wanted to deflect a conversation.  
'Why are you upset?' He asked curiously.  
'Uh'. He laughed a little again. 'It's a rich and complicated history. I just feel really alone sometimes'.  
The man smiled, and his eyes shined with recognition.  
'That is very understandable. I feel that way too'.  
'Um yeah'. Will's anxiety to avoid people made him desperate to leave. 'Well, I'm just on my way home, have a good night'.  
'Ok, enjoy your evening'.  
He turned in the opposite direction, listening to the man turn down a street with some shops. The rain cleared again as he crossed back over the intersection and made his way to the motel.

 

The next day was more beautiful and clear for how he felt. But he still felt this thrum of anxiety in the back of his head. Is happiness only temporary now? The thought depressed him, but he embraced the day. With every moment, he would take the opportunity to try again.   
The streets were a little busier in the day then when he arrived. A few people smiled at him on his way to the shops, and it made his chest ache with how much he needed it. Such a simple thing, and he was so grateful he could almost cry again. Sometimes he feels so detached from reality, and interactions with a cashiere can feel disingenuous. But still, he tried to relax and drink the smoothie he bought.   
He had looked up a specific place to visit today, a lush green valley, close to the ocean. Walking felt good for him; his head was clearing, and he began to liven up a bit. There were no people on the hills, maybe he could see a house a few kilometres away, but he was alone.  
He sung to himself, and whistled as loudly as he could. The valley rang out with its echo, and he decided to walk further and swim at the beach. He was not alone now, but he wished that he was for a moment. There were kids with their families, and he couldn't bare to meet their eyes. He ventured for an idea to self medicate, and loosen the worries that had taken a hold on his mind.   
When it was the afternoon, he walked into a club that had just opened. There were a few other people, but he focussed on going to the bartender.  
'Hi, could I have a glass of fireball whiskey please?'  
'Yep, sure can'. The waiter smiled in a sign of good nature and went to get a glass.  
He tried to seem lost in thought, but his paranoia spiked.  
'Actually, how much is the bottle?'  
The waiter looked mildly surprised.  
'I'm sorry we don't sell the whole bottle. It's just so that we don't have to go out and replace it'. He huffed a laugh in apology.  
'It's alright, ok. Well I won't get a glass then, thanks'.  
The waiter looked a little confused, because of Will's awkwardness. He had a brief look of pity that Will noticed as he left.  
There was a liquor store just at the end of the street, so he went to get something better than what the club had. He got a Yamazaki; a 12 year old whiskey, that he rarely decided to splurge on. The man he saw the other night was facing the opposite wall of liquor, looking at a bottle of wine in his hands.   
He made his way to the check out counter when he heard the man speak to him.  
'Hello, how are you today?'  
'Uh'. He laughed somewhat awkwardly. 'A little better, I'm just trying to get past it'.  
The man looked at him, sympathetically and softly.  
'It can be hard, but you seem resilient'.  
'Oh yeah, I can be'. He laughed, it was a little more genuine. He proceeded to buy his drink.  
'See ya'.   
The man came out with his drink just as soon as Will had.  
'My name is Hannibal'. He said as he came out of the shop.  
'Uh, I'm Will'.  
'What do you do with yourself around here?'  
'I'm just on a vacation from work and other stuff. What are you doing in Germany, do you live here?' He guessed.  
'Sort of. I own a house here, but I'm on a vacation too, from my work in America'.   
'Oh right. I live there'.  
Hannibal smiled at him, it was charming.   
'I will be here for another month, what about you?'  
'Just a fortnight left for me'. He looked around, waiting to politely excuse himself.  
'Mm. Do you travel a lot?'  
'No not really. This is my first trip outside of America. I uh, I should get going'.   
'Very well. It was good to officially meet you'. He smiled again, and offered Will his hand.  
Will shook it, and his eyes locked onto his. Kind eyes were staring back at him. Will felt him squeeze gently, and warmly. It took longer than he expected.  
'Goodbye'. He finally said, and left. 

 

..............................................................................

 

Lies flash before his eyes; he remembers how closed off he was to people at the funeral. He cringes inside, mercilessly berating himself for not opening up more. The people who knew him understood, and still, he did not allow them to be affectionate. In a relationship, love flows both ways, regardless of romantic entanglements. But to love himself, took so much humiliating effort. He longs for that steadfast peace, one that is sure to support him through any mood and change in his life. This cold detachment from reality only served to prolong his perverse, dark thoughts. It made him angry, and reckless. When he was 25, he had dreamt about killing the rapist/murderer that he was trying to catch. He felt obscene satisfaction course through him, along with a great sense of adrenaline and power. But he breathed in and out; all he had to do was patiently breathe.

The barrier between his peaceful and ferocious mind, threatened to break with every interaction he had. If someone was rude to him, or not self aware enough to be respectful, like he was, he couldn't help but scowl. Before he left for Germany, he almost snapped at someone. He felt like he was losing his mind. Or more like, losing a sense of control, and good judgement. To be reckless in his violent temper would eventually hurt him.   
So he listened to his calm breathing, and turned off the thinking. Resentment was a poison, that made words feel heavy in his mouth. He didn't want to spray that sickly anger at anyone, no matter what they did.  
But trying to keep himself safe in isolation didn't help at all, it actually made it worse at times. 

He left his motel room around 6pm, and loitered on the corner of a street down town. He eventually felt brave enough to go into the club again. He sat in a booth with his whiskey, and then heard someone slur racist and derogative words at some faceless person.  
'Washi washi. You're all asian'.  
Indeed, there were four Asian friends sitting at a bar, looking happy, and then confused. They didn't understand what was being said, but they could tell something wasn't right. Four English men were making sure that they were loud enough to hear. And Will felt immediately uncomfortable and annoyed.  
'Hey!' He said. They looked at him humorously.  
'Leave them alone. What if you were born as an asian person? You wouldn't like it if someone treated you like shit'.  
They laughed at his choice of words, but acceded, and left them alone. They weren't looking for a fight, but they were clearly ignorant. He tried to steady his beating heart, and focus on his drink. He had already gotten tipsy at his motel room, and he was trying to get drunk. The atmosphere might not have been safe for his tumultuous emotions, but he trudged ahead.   
When the group of men left the club half an hour later, they laughed again, looking at Will. He was relaxed enough that he didn't mind at all. He left pretty soon after them.

 

...............................................................................................

 

The night was gloomy again like his first night there. It made him feel a sense of familiarity to the place now. Less alien and new. It was now marked with a feeling of home.   
The streets were quiet until he passed the man he met properly yesterday. He felt a smile grow on his face as the man looked at him with a happy and surprised smile, like he had just ran into an old friend.  
'Hi, we keep running into each other'. He stopped in his tracks to engage him. Will felt the urge to speak to him too, it was nice.   
'Yeah, what can you do?' He shrugged sarcastically. 'You must live close'.  
'I do in a way, but I just came to get something from town'.   
'Oh, what happened to your hand?'  
There was blood on a few of his fingers and wrist.  
'Ah, I cut my finger making dinner. It's not that bad, I just haven't put pressure on the cut properly'.  
Will laughed. 'Well that's good'.   
'You have a fine whiskey there'. He pointed to the bottle in Will's hand.  
'Yeah. I don't normally spend so much. I'm usually a cheap drunk, literally'. He laughed.  
Hannibal laughed too, and was amused at Will's drunkenness. His eyes went dark, and he looked at Will, with a kind of urgency.  
Will hummed. He was often easily aroused when he got drunk. And the sudden spike of arousal made him feel simultaneously shocked, and warm inside, like it melted through him. He tried to focus, and forced a smile..it hurt.   
He wanted to be brave in that moment. To throw himself into a safer kind of reckless abandonment. Hannibal looked at him sway on his feet.   
'Goodnight'. He said; voice low, and rough. He turned, and Hannibal was doing something behind his back.  
'Here. If you ever feel like you need a friend, and feel alone, you can call me'. He handed Will his mobile number on a piece of paper.  
'Oh, thank you. I will'. He smiled dazedly, then made himself turn around. He now saught the comfort of his warm bed.

His head raced. The picture of Hannibal didn't leave his head, and he didn't want it to. But he fell asleep swiftly.  
The next day he barely remembered the conversation with Hannibal. The card he left was on his bedside table. As he got up to wash his face, he felt a little hung over.   
'Arhh'. He groaned, and lyed back down.   
There was something else written underneath the number. He glanced at it.  
"Please call".   
He smiled to himself. He was actually interested in some company that day. His thoughts didn't weigh heavily like the day before. 

 

He texted Hannibal in the early afternoon.  
"Hi, this is Will. So, would you like to hang out today?"  
He got an instant reply.  
"Hello. I'd really like that. Would you like to come over to my house for dinner?"  
"Yeah, that sounds good".  
He texted Will his address.   
"You can come at any time". Hannibal finished.  
"Ok".

 

Will got ready to leave, and looked at his face in the mirror. The same familiar face, but there was always a challenge behind his eyes. He couldn't do anything about the kind of eeriness he saw.   
He took his rental car down to Hannibal's home. As he moved out of the busy streets, the rural areas opened up. There were beautiful landscapes of farmland.  
Hannibal had a small cottage with a forest behind it, and no back yard fence. Everything extended outward. It looked like a haven for fairies, or some other woodland creature. And it felt more wholesome then his empty and isolated home in America.   
He knocked on the door, and Hannibal opened it up with a smile.  
'Hi. Dinner's not ready yet'. He moved to let Will enter.   
'Alright. I didn't have anything else to do'.  
'I'm glad you came'.   
'Mm'.  
Will briefly felt shy. Sometimes words were lost to him.  
'This is a lovely place to live'. He remarked.  
Hannibal thought that was sweet.   
'Thank you. You're the first company I have had here'.  
'Do you come here a lot?'  
'Yes. But I don't often meet people that I share an affinity with'.   
Will nodded.  
'I feel the same way. You're familiar to me somehow'. He smiled.  
Hannibal was mesmerized, Will's face had brightened immeasurably.  
'The moment I met you, crying as you were-' He threw a sympathetic and amused look at Will.  
'I believed that in some way we knew each other'. He smiled as he went to stir the stew on the stove.   
Will moved to take a seat in the corner of the room.  
'There was no safe space to cry. Some neighbour could have called the police if I stayed in my motel room'. He laughed.  
Hannibal looked over at him, with a charming smile on his face. Will looked at the ground.  
'Whereabouts do you live in America?'  
'Baltimore, Maryland. And you?'  
'Wow, that's about an hour and a half away from me. I live in Wolftrap, in Virginia'.   
Hannibal raised his eyebrows and went to sit by Will. It seemed as though he was hiding a smile.  
'It's a coincidence we met. I'm happy we did'.  
Hannibal looked into his eyes. When Will made eye contact, he felt Hannibal's eyes search his. He smiled slightly, and gazed at the kitchen.  
'Uh, yeah. I am too'. He smiled easily, and Hannibal looked at him for a little longer. He touched his mouth contemplatively, before getting up to stir the food.  
'What do you do in Wolftrap?'  
'I fix boat motors, and engines. What about you?'  
'I'm a doctor'.  
'Mm'. Will mused.  
'Not long to wait now'. He said as he sat back down.  
'Why'd you become a doctor?'  
'I was interested in anatomy. How the body works. It serves it's purpose'.  
'Have you ever killed someone accidentally?' The bluntness of the question makes Hannibal chuckle.  
'No, not yet. It's much more interesting to put someone back together'.   
'Letting the already wounded die is far too boring'. He ventured, joking.  
Hannibal smiled, and the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. But Will didn't see it as any less genuine.   
'It is indeed'.   
The food finished simmering, and they sat down at the dining table.

 

A little while later they were having a conversation in the lounge room, feeling the breeze waft through and touch their faces.

'I saw his face in the open-casket. I didn't know then, but I was in the middle of an ongoing panic attack'.  
'Are you in one now?'  
'Um..actually I think it's worn off'. He felt a smile on his face grow, one that showed him how entirely hopeful he was for the future. He was surprised to feel so calm now, and he suddenly teared up with joy. He had processed so many issues in a matter of weeks. But today somehow brought him to that final frontier, where happiness felt stable.   
Hannibal put his hand on Will's forearm, and gently ran his hand up once to soothe him. Will looked at him, and put his hand over Hannibal's. His responding touch was one of gratitude for Hannibal. But then he realized he hadn't let go, and then he squeezed Hannibal's hand. He let his arm fall away and stared ahead.   
'Thanks for inviting me, it was good to talk to someone'.  
'I'm glad I could be here for you'.  
'Ahh, so do you have anyone to go home to? Any family?'  
Hannibal looked at him with a sideways glance.  
'Not in America, I have an aunt, and a non blood related sister. But we rarely get see to each other. What about you, besides your father?'  
'I have a grandfather, and a few cousins, but we weren't ever close, so we don't speak'.  
'Mm. It's odd to share familial ties and feel no connection, but it's very common'.  
'It ends up becoming like work to see them'.   
Hannibal nodded.   
'Rather than being excited to see them'.  
'I was excited to see you'.   
The statement was loaded with tension. So much warmth, and Will was at a loss for words again.  
'Do you consider me family?'   
'Yes and no'.  
He felt awkward for a moment in the silence.  
Hannibal's eyes radiated with longing. And a sense of loneliness. He recalls what he had said the first night they met.  
'Do you still feel lonely?'  
'Not right now. Even though I will fare your absence, I will miss you when you leave'.  
A smile grew on Will's face as he looked to the side, his cheeks flushing.  
'Me too, but I'll be close by in America'.  
Hannibal looked at him.  
'If you want to visit, or just spend time together, you can call me'. Will stated slowly.  
Hannibal's pupils dilated, and he pursed his lips.  
'Then I will'.


End file.
